Rantings, Ravings, and Thoughts on My Time Here...

So, I've never been homesick in my life. I honestly can't even really say that I am right now. I don't really miss home, as in Hummelstown. I don't terribly miss my family or life back in America. I do, however, miss people from school. I miss Pittsburgh, and I miss the things I have available to me there.

I miss delicious $5 Chinese food. I miss American pizza, that you can get with extra cheese and big pepperoni, and for $5 at 2 am. I miss food that doesn't spoil in two days due to a lack of preservatives. I miss having my own room. I miss swimming pools. I miss cheap movie theaters. I miss potato chips that come in big bags. I miss going to market to go in my slippers and buying a microwave dinner with meal plan money. I miss my friends from school, who even though I don't see all the time are always there for me. I miss whip cream that has sugar in it.

I don't miss public bathrooms, market central, security guards, and buses that are ALWAYS late. In fact, I don't miss the American public transportation system one bit. I don't miss waiting for an elevator, teeny-tiny windows, Panther Central queues, signing out housing carts, and being locked out of my room.

When I leave Britain, I know there will be some things I'll miss. I know there will also be some things I'll be glad to leave behind. I haven't had the greatest time ever here, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. In fact, what I got on this trip was the world, or at least part of it. And for that I will never ever regret my experiences here.

When I leave, I will miss the tube, buses, trains and all other public transportation. I will miss soda made with real sugar. I will miss being no more than 5 hours from every major European city that I can think of. I will miss French Crepes. I will miss German Pretzels. I will miss Italian Gelato. I will miss English Sausage. I will miss cream tea, and biscuits with jam. I will miss Nutella. I will the age and culture of everything. I will miss the history. I will miss my kitchen, bathroom with good water pressure, and dish washer. I will miss being of legal drinking age, and applewood cheddar cheese.

I won't miss lime scale. I won't miss only having 4 channels on the TV. I won't miss not having a clothes dryer. I won't miss the idea of no personal space. I won't miss only standing on the right side of an Escalator. I won't miss walking on the left hand side of the side walk. I won't miss walking like I'm running. I won't miss dogs that aren't dog-like because they are trained to be robots. I won't miss the dirt. I won't miss the smell of Paris or the graffiti of Rome. I won't miss food that goes bad, and the fact that everything is twice as expensive as in America. I won't miss constantly buying store brand products.

I think most of all though, I won't miss the other Americans. If there is one thing I have learned, its that 3/4 of the people who came on this trip don't give one damn about any one except themselves. Not only do they not care how they treat others, they don't care what kind of image they give Americans abroad. They are rude, loud, and drink too much. Many of the world stereotypes that exist for Americans really are true, and they embody themselves in many of the other students on the trip. I am disappointed and dismayed that they act the way they do.

I know I'm not perfect. I know I can never get rid of the American in me, nor do I want to. But I do have resepct for people and their culture, and I do know how to be polite and quiet and kind when I should be. I may not have been born with thousands of dollars, but I was taught respect and manners. I don't think the others here were. I pity Americans for their inability to leave behind their worser qualities in order to make people believe America isn't as bad as it sounds. I do want to smack all of them and make them understand that they are only propogating these stereotypes.

But mostly, I want to smack them all for treating me like shit. I absolutely cannot stand most of the people I live and interact with on a daily basis. There are a few people I love and will miss when I go home. There are a few people I have enjoyed my time with and consider family here. But the vast majority of them I cannot stand. For one, I have never done anything against them. I have never told them not to drink so much that they throw up in the couch (don't ask), and I never told them not to sleep with countless guys. I have never been rude to them, and I have never spoken out against them. Yet, for some reason, they are all running around telling people that I have ruined their lives. That I am the reason they can't have fun here, and they treat me like sub-human trash. It upsets me, and there is nothing that I can do about it. If I said something to them, they would only add it to their list of reasons to hate me. And its not just me. They don't like Alan either.

I suppose every group needs a scapegoat. I guess since I am the different one, the one who trys to fit in with the culture here, the one who doesn't drink until my liver explodes, the one who hasn't had sex with any and every random guy I have met, and the one who acts like an intelligent human being, hoping to change the awful stereotype that they have broadcast, it is only fitting that that scapegoat should be me.

Luckily, I only have 3 weeks left here. I will miss this place. I will miss many things about this place. I will miss my time here. But when I get on the plane to come home, and leave behind the people here, I will not miss them. Yes, I want to come home. But most of all, I want to come back here. I want to come back without 200 other college aged Americans. I want to come back to experience the place as someone who has lived here and knows the city, and some of the world. I want to come back without the looming cloud of outcast over my head.

I love London, and I love Europe. But I truly wish that I could say I loved it more. And I know I could, if they hadn't come on the trip as well.

Oh yeah, I also won't miss having timed internet. Everyone should be allowed to use as much internet as they like. Hmpf.